Validation: A parent’s secret weapon

As a parent, it can be difficult to know how best to communicate with your teen. They're often sullen, uncommunicative, and seem to be doing everything they can to push you away.

But there is one tool that you can always rely on to reach them: validation.

Validating your teen's feelings and experiences shows them that you understand what they're going through and that you're there for them no matter what. It's a powerful way to build connection and rapport, even when things are tough. Validation is your best friend.

Vali-what?

Validation is an important part of parenting teenagers: it is the act of recognizing and respecting another person's thoughts and feelings, regardless of whether or not you agree with them.

Its purpose when raising teens is to instill a sense of self-worth and self-confidence by showing that their opinions are valued.

Through this unconditional appreciation, teenagers will be more likely to internalize positive views about themselves leading to healthier communication between parents and teens. Validation isn't always easy – say when you fiercely disagree with your teen – but in the long run, it's absolutely worth it!

Validation isn’t approval

Approval and validation may seem similar, but they are two distinct concepts. Validation is the recognition of valid information, such as a signed contract or a completed task.

Approval signals agreement. We parents are trainers of our kids. We do not and we cannot approve of all they think, say, and do.

We can validate (nearly) all they think, say, and do. We validate by expressing both directly and indirectly, “I see you; I hear you; I understand where you are coming from.”

A few cases in point…

An important aspect to connecting with teenagers and validating their feelings is active listening. This means actively paying attention, paraphrasing what they’ve said, and asking clarifying questions as needed.

Going through experiences together can be another way to bond and show your teen that you understand what’s happening in their life.

In addition, making the effort to learn more about topics that are important to your teenager may let them know that you care. These gestures can go a long way in helping teens feel validated during this important stage of their life journey.

Validation is a big deal

Validating our teenagers is one of the most important tools we have in parenting.

This isn’t always easy when they’re going through their awkward adolescent years, but validating them shows that you understand the complexities, victories and struggles of their life.

Validation builds connection by helping teens feel heard, seen and understood. It also invites our teenagers to learn about self-expression and how to properly communicate their feelings in healthy ways.

Without validation from parents, our children can close themselves off from us and so may have a hard time learning to trust themselves or others.

a place to start

To start, recognize and respect their opinions, even when they are different from yours. Not only will this make them feel heard, it would also encourage them to express themselves more freely.

Additionally, be intentional and take time out to recognize and reward moments of accomplishment or well done. Genuine compliments go a long way with teenagers – ensure that your compliments are specific enough that it further encourages your teen's growth.

Lastly, spending quality time together can show your teenager that you care about them as people as much as you care about their success.

Give it a shot

Did you ever try to tell a teenager something and it didn’t exactly go as planned? The truth is, teenagers can be extremely challenging and understanding them may seem out of reach.

Using validation can help bridge the gap between adult and adolescent. By listening, understanding and acknowledging their feelings, it can become easier to lead them to better outcomes.

Validation has the power to truly turn a runaway teen situation into something more productive – don’t believe me? Try validating with your own teenage son or daughter and see the transformation that takes place – I guarantee you won’t be disappointed!

If you and your teen are getting along or you’ve seen any of these signs in your teen, give me a call. I can help.

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